


double dare you! (and the home in your arms)

by prologhe



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anxiety, Childhood Friends, I have no idea of what I'm doing, Kissing, Life Is Strange Spoilers, Light Angst, M/M, eiji is an anxious baby, is this how tagging works, life is strange au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prologhe/pseuds/prologhe
Summary: When Ash looks at him and sends him a teasing smile, he feels as if he's thirteen again. He feels at home, and he definitely doesn't want to get up.Eiji remembers when things were easier, complies to a dare, gets lost in the mess that is Ash and finds himself back in the home of green eyes, teasing smiles and warm arms that embrace him, bringing him back to the memories of long past days.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	double dare you! (and the home in your arms)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic i'm posting and it's totally in my non-native language. i am desperate, but lis au will make sure to heal my soul
> 
> i need to make it clear here that this is only happening because of AND for mari (@/okumuramari on twitter!!! check her art out or perish!!!!!) and this beautiful thing she did. thank you for being my partner in time in this au, mari <33
> 
> enjoy the read!!

"I should get up now… I have to be at Blackwell soon."

The words leave Eiji's lips, but he wishes they hadn't. The light that enters the room in soft, rosy tones through the United States flag Ash had hanged on the window beside the mattress makes the environment look almost like a photograph, and Eiji holds himself back to not actually turn it into one. Even though it now smells like weed and has graffitis and obscene posters all over its walls, the sight of the room, the feeling of laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling for hours in the morning only to postpone the getting up, brings a warm nostalgia to Eiji's chest, and he marvels at it with true happiness.

He remembers waking up in that same room, years ago, when it still smelled like clean laundry and freshly trimmed grass. He remembers toys scattered all over the bedroom floor, battle scenes with toys interrupted by bedtime, talking in giggly whispers so Ash's parents wouldn't find out they were still awake. And he remembers, clearly as if everything had happened yesterday, blonde hair and green eyes, those that didn't seem to have changed ㅡ even with blue dye and a hurt look, they are still there, lying beside him just like they did all those years ago.

When Ash looks at him and sends him a teasing smile, he feels as if he's thirteen again. He feels at home, and he definitely doesn't want to get up.

"Why? Does the schoolboy have a test today?" With the passing of the years, Ash had grown, and his voice had thickened, very different from the acute one he had before puberty. Still, the mocking tone hasn't changed a bit, and Eiji recognizes it from since before he moved back to Japan.

He takes a sigh. It feels like a weight lingers on his shoulders and pushes him down, down, down. "I feel like going to Blackwell every day is already a test itself," he confesses in a low tone, as if he's scared that anyone but Ash would hear it if he spoke any louder.

Ash offers no reply, just his silent support. Eiji knows it must be shit for him as well, with all the Shorter situation and the constant psychologic pressure of his father. He takes it as his cue to not press any further and get up, then, and pushes his body lazily until he is on a sitting position.

The calm, relaxing music Ash had put on his old hi-fi was a total contrast to the war zone that was his room. Still, it brought a peaceful feeling to Eiji's chest, as if he needed this strange balance to show him that not _everything_ was disordered in his life right now. He fools around in the room a bit, taking everything in, trying to avoid looking at his clothes from last night that lay in the chair. He knows that, as soon as he puts them on, their little paradise will be broken ㅡ Eiji will head back to Blackwell, Ash's dad will be a pain in the ass, Shorter will still be missing.

So he paces around the room. A new notification arrives on his phone, but he doesn't bother checking. He opens up some of the drawers, as Ash doesn't really seem to care, and he likes to play the explorer on this new Aslan, whom he knows so well and still feels like he knows nothing about at all. He finds some band t-shirts, tangled with one another inside of one of the drawers; he’d never heard of any of them and they are definitely a different style than what they used to listen to together. He finds Ash's old flip phone on another one, the one they decorated together; the color of the stickers have now faded, but otherwise, it looks exactly the same as when Eiji last saw it. He flips it open and presses some buttons. The screen lingers as dark as ever. Giving up, he flips it back shut and puts it on the drawer, closing it so the phone would never be disturbed from its resting place again.

Ash watches him, unmoving, resting his head against his arms and following his every movement with those green orbs. The sunlight hits his fair skin softly, and the colored strands of hair are splattered in the pillow in a wild mess. He almost looks like a memory like this, Eiji thinks ㅡ a memory of carefree days and innocent beings. He fights once more the urge to take a photo and does his best to photograph it in his own mind, instead.

Finally, after putting it off for longer than he should have, he makes his way to his clothes. It only takes a few steps to make him stop dead in his track, scrunching his nose. "Oh, God, it still reeks chlorine like an Olympic pool. I can feel it from here," he grumbles.

The smell brings him back to the night before, to that moment when it was only Ash and Eiji in the pool, like the rest of the world had just disappeared. He would never regret it, this crazy experience he had shared with Ash (invading the school's pool at night, seriously, only Ash could do something this dumb and get away with it), but he does regret putting on the same clothes afterward, because he really thinks his favorite NoriNori shirt won't ever be the same again, and it kind of disappoints him.

Ash snorts. "If you want, you can try to find something suitable enough in my black hole," he points towards the closet. "Just be careful so it won't suck you in and trap you forever. Though you _do_ need to be trapped in a fashion hole for some time" he says with a grin, and it makes Eiji roll his eyes.

"Haha, you're so funny" he ironizes, but does go to the closet. No way he'd be dressed like a chlorine factory if he had the chance to choose.

Eiji slides the door of the wardrobe open. Once upon a time, it was filled with cute, bright clothes; now, Eiji is met with punk-style shirts and pants, in dark tones and aggressive sayings printed in them. All of them are messily arranged in hangers, but the one in the most left, though in the same style as the others, is neatly folded and hanged.

"There you go!" Ash beams when Eiji runs his fingertips through the still ironed fabric. "Shorter… left a bunch of his clothes with me. I think he's a size bigger than you, but you like oversized clothes anyway”.

Eiji chuckles. “Yeah, maybe they’ll fit, but… Not quite my style” he stares at the clothes that hang in front of him. Plaid red shirt, tank top, ripped jeans. The clothes scream confidence and a wild way of life, and definitely has nothing to do with Eiji’s personality. Still, he feels strangely drawn to them, like they’re inviting him to enter someone else’s skin, be someone different than himself.

“You can’t call your generic clothes a ‘style’, please. C’mon, give it a shot! You can always go back to your personal chlorine factory if it doesn’t suit you” he mocks, and Eiji makes a fake outraged sound.

“I like my generic style, okay!” he can’t help the smile that comes up to his lips, and turns back to the clothes hanging in front of him. “But I guess… It’d be cool to try Shorter’s clothes. He wouldn’t mind, would he?” he asks in a nervous tone. He can’t help but wonder if Shorter would be cool with a complete stranger trying on his clothes. He wonders if Shorter would even like him, or if he’d think Eiji is intruder, who came back to ruin Ash’s life after leaving him. Anxious thoughts make him bite his lower lip nervously.

“Not at all! Shorter would probably the one to give the idea, if…” Ash’s voice goes a bit lower, and his smile weakens a bit. “If he was here. Anyways!” before Eiji can even say something about the mood shift, Ash puts the smile back on and puts an arm around his shoulders. “Stop thinking so much! I know you, and I know this little head of yours is running wild. Let your punk-rock persona out! You need to start taking shots at things. For example…”

“I really don’t think that’s how it works-”

“I dare you to kiss me.”

_What._

“W-What?” Eiji echoes his thought, because it’s just too absurd to keep it only in his mind. He’s heard it wrong. Of course. Ash couldn’t have...

“Hah. I double dare you! Kiss me now” Ash smiles, and the sun hits him from the back, creating a halo around his body, and he’s so beautiful, it’s too much for Eiji

Eiji’s newfound power allows him to go back in time, never freeze it. However, now, he feels as if time has just frozen around them, and it’s only him, Ash and the bet that just hung in the air. He would laugh it off, would assume Ash was joking, but the warm look those green eyes send him just makes it impossible to say something, do something.

Ash is so beautiful. God, he is. The shining green eyes, the blonde and blue hair, the smug look on his face, as if he knows the impact he has on Eiji; all summed up to the beautiful mess that is Aslan. Eiji has a familiar feeling in his chest of wanting to be part of the mess, one that had lingered with him even before he realized, even before Ash had changed that much, even before he went back to Japan. It calls him, it consumes him, it overtakes his own being and leads him to take a step further in Ash’s direction and let himself be wrapped fully in his presence. He watches as Ash’s expression turns from teasing to confused before he shuts his eyes tight.

Eiji’s lips meet Ash’s.

It could be just a peck, just to prove to Ash that yes, he could take risks. But, for some reason, he can’t bring himself to step back, to separate himself from the blue-haired boy. Ash’s lips are dry and chapped but still, as Eiji moves his owns to wrap them in each other, they feel so soft. Hesitant, he brings a hand up to Ash’s face. The skin is a bit rough, as Ash hadn’t shaved for the day yet, but he doesn’t move his hand away, and neither does Ash step back. He takes it as permission to take another step forward and lift his other hand to Ash’s chest. He can feel the slow rising and fall of his rapid breathing, and a comforting warmth takes over his heart at the thought that Ash is alive, he is here, he is safe and with Eiji and he won’t let him be hurt by anyone, not Arthur, not his dad, _anyone_.

He is drunk by Ash’s presence, by Ash’s existence, by the way Ash’s arm slowly goes around his waist, careful but still certain, and pulls him a tiny bit closer, giving him the chance to step away if he wanted to ㅡ as if, Eiji thought briefly before Ash’s lips move again in his and his mind goes blank again.

In any different situation, Eiji would be desperate. He only kissed two people during his nineteen years of living, and the last one happened when he was eleven. You don’t get to call that “knowing how to kiss”. What if he messed it up? What if Ash thought it was horrible? However, at that moment, with the warm morning sunlight bathing both Ash’s fair skin and his tanned one, making the contrast even more noticeable, and them being in each other’s arms, he couldn’t bring himself to worry. Not when Ash was letting go a soft sigh and hugging him tightly, moving his lips once more against Eiji’s. No, he could only enjoy the feeling of being where he was supposed to be all along, to be _home._

And in the back of his mind, he realized that home wasn’t Ash’s room, or the Callenreese’s house, or even Arcadia Bay. Home was where Ash was with him, within an arm reach, when he’d tease him or give him that same beautiful smile he gave Eiji since they were kids.

Right at that moment, with Ash’s arms wrapping around his waist, he feels at home.

Ash’s lips were almost like a drug, tempting and addicting. They moved slowly, but with purpose, almost like longing to be pressed to Eiji’s. Eiji felt like he could never get up of the feeling of having them against his, which was a dangerous thinking, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry right now as he tasted it even further. The characteristic smell of Ash filled his lungs, like the intoxicating perfume of a flower; a mix of cigarette and weed, ones that Eiji didn’t really appreciate, but with a touch of spontaneity, freedom, the lighthouse wood and precious memories. It made his mind dizzy and his heart sing happily. He had a dumb thought that, if they made a cologne out of Ash, Eiji would buy all of the bottles, just for that heavenly feeling to linger with him.

As much as he never wanted to stay apart again, he still wasn’t that used to kissing, much less for a long time. After a while, the air began to lack on his lungs, and with a gasp, he separates himself from Ash. He immediately misses the contact, but as he opens his eyes and stares at Ash’s green ones, the fog in his mind slowly settles down and realization starts to make its way inside.

Oh my God, he kissed Ash. He immediately feels his face heat up under the green gaze that pins him down. He kissed Aslan. His childhood friend. The one he knows since… Damn, since ever! It’s hard to remember any time of his life when Ash wasn’t in his life. And now they had kissed, and Eiji had ruined everything, and Ash would hate him _again_ , and-

Ash smiled at him. It wasn’t the usual teasing one, but a… different one, one that Eiji had never really seen in Ash’s face. It was so deep, intimate, almost like… A lover’s. _Oh, God_. The dream of having Ash as a lover flashed through his mind before he could even stop it.

“ _Wow”_ Ash says in almost a whisper, so low that, if Eiji wasn’t literally in his arms, he wouldn’t have listened, but he did, and it had a impact on him as if Ash had screamed the word. “I guess… I can tell Sing he doesn’t stand a chance now?” he almost sounds as if he’s proud of himself when saying it, and it would make Ash laugh if he wasn’t so damn desperate. 

He barely registers the smarty comment. Oh, God, is Ash leaning forward again? He needs an excuse, he needs a way to get away quick, to not… Sing! Yes, Sing, school, Blackwell. He needs to go, he needs the clothes, he-

“I-!!” he basically screams, and it startles Ash so much that he jumps on his spot. Eiji's hands are a mess trying to reach out for the hanger. "I gotta- Blackwell? You know, get… Dressed! Haha. Yeah. I, uhm?" he feels himself blush even more at the confusion that leaves his lips. He almost bolts to the door, untangling himself from Ash’s embrace as in the most awkward way possible, of course, because Eiji _is_ the most awkward human possible.

He finds it hard to meet Ash’s gaze during all of this, but he risks a glance towards him before he closes the door, and the view takes form of a hand that squeezes his heart tight. Ash had never before looked so lost, confused and… hurt, standing there with his arms empty, the same arms that had just wrapped Eiji so warmly. He shuts the door before he can have any second thoughts about it, before he loses the remaining control he has and throws himself back into his hold.

His breathing is fast, his heart is racing so much, oh God, is he having a heart attack? He just kissed Ash. He just kissed Ash. He just kissed Ash. His head keeps repeating it, like a chant, no matters how much he tries to think of something else. Ash’s green eyes staring at him, Ash’s skin a bit rough to the touch but still perfect because _of fucking course it would be, the bastard's perfect without even trying_ , Ash’s lips against his, Ash’s arms around him, Ash, Ash, Ash-

He inhales shakily, holds it for a few seconds and then lets it go. Eiji does it until it steadies a little more. Ok, he can do this. He can do this. In slow steps, while running his fingers through his hair, he makes his way to the bathroom. His fingers shake a bit when he turns on the lights, and when he stares at himself in the mirror, he finds lost eyes and shining, rosy lips staring back at him.

 _He just kissed Ash_.

A million feelings flood him inside. First of all, the realization. Yes, he had kissed Ash, and he had longed for it for so long, even without ever admitting, that it was hard to believe it actually happened. But it did! He kissed his childhood friend. Then, the desire. He’d definitely do it again, if he could. He’d kiss Ash once more without a doubt, maybe a million times more. He longed to step closer to Ash once again, to be wrapped in his arms, to kiss his lips again, to be _home_. Then, guilty kicks in. Was what he'd done right? Ash was the one who dared him, yes, but he could have refused it. What if it was a joke all along, and he just assumed everything wrongly? Ash also seemed to have liked the kiss, though. But Ash liked Shorter (at least, he seemed to), and Shorter was missing, and what if Eiji just took advantage of Ash’s sadness to satisfy his own selfish desires?

Finally, broken-heartedness settles in his chest. Ash loved and missed Shorter, and Eiji had no right to interfere in it, or to desire him as he does, not when he was the guy who first left him in first place. Right now, Ash needs him to be his partner in time and in crime, and they need to work together. To get out. To discover what’s happening behind the beautiful sights of Arcadia Bay. To find Shorter. He can’t afford stupid, in love childhood friends confusing his feelings. And Eiji definitely can't afford messing everything up _again_.

He dresses himself, eager to occupy his mind with anything other than his anxious thoughts. As Ash said, Shorter was ㅡ _is,_ Eiji corrects himself ㅡ a size bigger than him, and the clothes seem to swallow him a bit. The plaid of the shirt covers his hands and gives him sweater paws, coming in contrast to the punk-rock vibe he should be giving. However, it’s interesting to stare at his own reflection and be met with someone he has never seen; not quite Shorter, but not quite Eiji himself. Wearing the clothes makes him feel as if he has the chance to be someone different, to _do_ something different, to solve everything that they meet as trouble. He can almost picture Shorter, purple-haired, smiling and _free_ , sitting by Ash’s side with these exact same clothes. It breaks his heart, but also strangely gives him some kind of confidence. They _will_ find him, and now he's so sure of it that he can almost touch it.

He takes another deep breath before turning off the lights and getting out of the bathroom. Eiji can still hear the music coming out of Ash’s radio from the other side of the closed door, and can almost feel Ash moving inside him. He pictures the scene, the warm morning light hitting Ash’s fair skin as he changes his clothes, and he imagines touching the fair skin with his fingertips, smothering it with kisses just as he did with his lips, and damn, his heartbeat picks up again. No, _no_ , he’s not doing this. He’ll be cool about it. Cool, yeah. This will work.

This will _never_ work, and he knows it, but he still takes a step further and twists the door handle.

Ash immediately turns to the door when he steps inside. He’s wearing similar clothes to the ones he wore the night before, but not the same ones, and Eiji can only guess he’s had his own situation of chlorine reeking too. The blonde crown of his hair is trapped under his shabby blue beanie, and only the blue dyed part comes out of it. Just like this, Ash had hidden his roots, and also his old self, the one Eiji is familiar with ㅡ when he looks at him and smiles, it’s just as beautiful as before, but it doesn’t have the same feeling. It’s distant now, not as intimate as it was that moment, and almost sad. It makes Eiji’s heart ache, and he has to fight the urge to run back to his arms _again._

“Lookin’ badass” Ash compliments, and Eiji gives him a small smile back. “I’d say you were only missing some tats’ there, but knowing you, you’d probably tattoo a NoriNori punk version, so we'll definitely be scratching this idea” Eiji pouts at the teasing, and Ash laughs. For a moment, the strange air between them goes away, and it feels like the kiss never happened. Like they were back to their thirteens again. Like old Aslan is back.

But he isn't, and Ash Lynx is still too distant.

“I feel like a cosplay of Shorter Wong. Do you think I could get some weed easily wearing these?”

“With this baby face? Probably not. They'd send you to the kindergarten for sure" he says as he grabs his car keys. Putting them on his pocket, he puts an arm around Eiji’s shoulders and starts to guide him to the door. “Come on, let’s go down and see if Jennifer gives us some free breakfast before the all-mighty Blackwell student has to go fulfill his duties”.

“Sure” Eiji replies with a soft smile on his face. Ash lets go of him and starts to make his way downstairs, but Eiji halts before stepping outside of the room and turns for a moment. He looks at the place, and a dreadful feeling overtakes him.

When stepping outside, he knows he’ll be leaving behind everything. The memories, the laziness of the morning besides Ash, the feeling of their lips against each other, and he won’t ever be able to go back, no matter the powers. He almost feels the temptation to rewind and let himself savor the kiss once more, but at the next second he feels disgusting for it. He could never do something so low to Ash, not when he was so true to Eiji, even for a few moments. “Eiji?” he calls a few steps down, and Eiji looks at him to be met with soft green eyes, almost as soft as before he kissed him. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah… Yeah, of course” he shakes his head a bit, then closes the door shut and follows him down the stairs.

There are more important things at stake now. Eiji has classes and a scholarship to hold on to, he can hear Ash’s father already start to grumble at him from the kitchen table, Shorter is still somewhere out there and Arthur’s family is definitely behind all of this somehow. There are bigger things than him, that need his energy and attention, and he’d give himself heart and soul to have everything solved if it is required. He has to leave this dumb feelings behind, locked inside Ash’s room, and focus on what is important.

However, when Ash looks at him one more time and that beautiful, teasing smile is shown to him once more, he knows he’ll still have the feeling of Ash’s lips against his and the longing to go back to his arms lingering with him for a long, long time.

And no Blackwell, no Jim, no Arthur will ever take it away from him. Not as long as he has home right by his side, in dirty blonde and blue hair and green eyes and teasing smiles. Not as long as he has Aslan.

And, for some reason, he feels that he doesn't have to worry. He'll have him forever, and home will always be beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> if you read it until here, thank you so so much!!! you have an official spot inside my heart. my twitter is @prologhex if you're up to scream at me over how bad this is, or lis au, or my art, or anything tbh


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